Family, I'm human too, I'm the victim of myself, Randomness, Real Life

What the…

My kids are crazy. They come by it naturally, however. 

The other day I went to get a loaf of bread from the freezer in the a garage and my eye caught on what appeared to be a plate in the freezer. 

My first thought was that someone was snacking in the garage (an odd place to snack, yes, but in my 10+ years of motherhood I’m not surprised by much anymore) and decided to put the plate in the freezer for safekeeping–then forgot about it. 

What greeted me instead when I pulled that plate out was…

  
A once half-melted Reese’s peanutbutter cup on a tea saucer in the freezer. 

I’ll admit I cringed and considered throwing it out. I mean YUCK!!! It just looks nasty. But I didn’t. I remember saving things (not just candy) and hiding them and whatnot as a kid only to have someone come along and find it and without knowing what significance it held to me…toss it out. 

So reluctantly–and with a shudder– I slid my plate back into the freezer. 

And it was a darn good thing! Just that night while we were watching a movie, my son got up from the living room and went somewhere. Then I heard him behind me in the kitchen, pressing buttons on the microwave. 

I asked him what he was doing.

“Microwaving a piece of candy.”

“The one from the freezer? Did it get too frozen for you?’

“Yes! It was melting so I put it in the freezer but now it’s too hard.”

“Yep, looked pretty solid when I saw it while getting  some bread out.”

“And you didn’t throw it away?”

Trying not to scowl or cringe or curl my lips up in disgust because frankly I was still a little disturbed about the whole thing, I sucked it up and said, “No, I thought it might be important to whoever left it there and they might come looking for it.”

“It was and I did!” Then he carried the plate to the family room. “It’s the last piece of myValentine’s Day candy. A Reese’s from the box  you gave me. I was saving it for last and it melted…”

I’ll admit I was flattered by his words and actions. To me, it was a melted Reese’s that should have hit the trash. To him it was a treasured piece of candy. 

I think this falls in the “don’t judge a book by its cover…” category. Except: “don’t judge candy by its state”
Have a blessed Thursday!

Behind the Scenes, draft file, I'm the victim of myself, My own craziness, My readers rock!, Real Life, Save me from myself!

Random Ramblings…

This is one of those “pulled from the draft file” posts.

The Date: November 13, 2013.

The reason for the post: I have no idea! Just rambling.

The reason I didn’t post it: Again, no idea, probably because I got severely distracted and totally lost my train of thought.

So without any further adieu…

Consider yourself warned, this is an updating sort of post that rambles. (Yes, that was my original opening line!)

If we ever meet in person you’ll know right off that I’m odd. No, no, really I am. There are a few regular commenters on here who I’ve met in person and I’m sure they all had some sort of shocker moment that still haunts them. Such as the reader I shared a hotel room with when I forgot my pajamas and to make matters worse I had to wake her up with the news that the toilet had just overflowed. Another reader totally shocked me when out nowhere at a book signing, she just popped right up in my face and said, “Hey, I know you!” I’m certain my eyes nearly popped out of my head as I stuttered through an introduction. Or the first reader I ever met. She walked up to me in the airport while I was looking totally bedraggled after a sleepless conference and holding a giant sea sponge and said, “I think you’re who I’m looking for.”

Of course there have been a few who I’ve met when I was prepared that I probably still totally freaked out with me just being plain old odd me.

I’m okay with that. Really, I am. It’s why I like to pretend I’m Regina Banks and fade into the wallpaper if I can. It’s probably also why I write stories. I live in my own world a lot when I can.

I say all that to say that for those brave enough to have already met me in person, they’ll know that I really DO live in my own little world where sometimes I ramble. Much like I’m doing right now.

Have a wonderful weekend everyone!

fun, I'm human too, I'm the victim of myself, Just for Fun, Real Life

More uncouth commercials for everyone to enjoy!!

A few weeks ago I posted some links to some rather funny, albeit satirical, commercials for Quilted Northern. Today, Ragu!

A mother’s spit–the old school Magic Eraser for faces:

No parent would try to secretly replace a deceased pet, would they?

And finally, my personal favorite:

 

Hope you all enjoyed those as much as I did. Now that I’ve had my comic relief I’m headed back to the sofa to chronicle more of Simon and Henrietta’s antics.

Family, funny, I'm human too, I'm the victim of myself, Just for Fun, Randomness, Real Life

Texts from my mom…

It’s Monday morning and as such, we are all in need of a little laugh to kickstart our week. What better way to do that than with a few texts my mom has sent me…

  1. A little backstory, she’s awful at math. So bad, it’s only college algebra that stands between her and a degree…
    IMG_3402
  2. If there was ever any doubt she loves her grandkids…IMG_3403Doubt solved. And yes, I’m a meanie… “Just delete it.”
  3. And finally…the very best way to say Happy Valentine’s Day to your daughter…IMG_3354IMG_3404

If ever you wonder why I’m so scandalous, I think that speaks for itself!

Have a wonderful Monday!!!

 

 

I'm human too, I'm the victim of myself, Just for Fun, My own craziness, Randomness

Walmart woes…and whoas!

I live in a smaller town and the closest store that has both food and clothes is Walmart. Yes, I could fall into the redneck category–but don’t you dare call me a hillbilly!

However, for as small town/redneck as I might be even I am amazed at times when I go into Wally World. I do try to be polite and keep my head down when I walk through the aisles but sometimes the kid wearing wearing nothing but an oversized t-shirt finds you. As does the man dressed like a chicken. Or the woman with the bungee cord holding her pants up, yet her very…uh…generous middrift is in full sight. Of course a trip isn’t complete without at least two toddlers having a meltdown (no judgement here, one of my boys provided that ambiance more than once). 

Oh, Wally World wherever would we be without your low prices, temperamental cashiers and a clean up on aisle 4 that’s been there so long it’s become part of the floor?!

In case you can’t tell, I only go when I must. Yesterday I had to. Remember that flyer I posted up a few weeks ago, the one my boys thought would help them better with sports? Here’s a reminder:

IMG_3231
Well, on the backside was a coupon for a free box valued up to 6.99. This might be tmi but my pride only goes so far. Like most women I don’t enjoy having to buy these. Moreover, they’re rather expensive–especially when you consider what they’re used for. 

I digress. 

The coupon had an upcoming expiration date, so I decided: “It’s now or never”. My wallet screamed, NOW!!!! So I made a little list and off I went. Hey, I might be screwing up my courage to use such a coupon but that isn’t the only thing I’m going to the register with!  I grabbed my items and and headed to the register, but not before seeing theses:

  
Seriously?! It’s January!!! And 25 degrees and they’re displaying (and selling???) bikinis! Again, it’s Walmart. With that such reasoning, I start to look for a register. We have the self checkouts and I typically prefer to use those so I don’t have to deal with the crabapples who run the others, but I wasn’t taking a chance on the machine not scanning my coupon and me having to wave someone over to explain what’s going on. My luck would be that she’s be deaf and not know what to do and call a CSM over–and while waiting 20 minutes for one to meander over, she’d insist on carrying around my tampon coupon to every other station she helped. Then, when the CSM did show up, the lady would have no tact or volume control when she said, “That lady wants to use this here coupon to buy her fancy tampons but the machine is…blah, blah, blah…” Of course this would be followed with, “Ma’am, I’m gonna need to see your tampons…”

NO THANK YOU!

Instead, I walked down the row of cashiers and looked for one who looked to be a female who was older than me, but not my grandma’s age. When I found the right one, I stood in line and waited while she scanned the groceries in front of me. Then it was my turn. She scanned it all and gave me my total. I said, “I have a coupon, too.” Then handed her my strategically folded massive coupon so the bacode was visible but thr picture was not. She scanned it–then her eyes got huge. She unfolded it and started looking it over on both sides. “This just came to your house?”

I nodded. Yep, my address was right there on the back. 

“I gotta check the mail when I get home. I need this for my granddaughter.” Then, the unthinkable happens. She opens it fully and shows it to the lady behind me! “Isn’t this cool? She just got a free box of tampons.”

Without missing a beat the lady behind me goes, “Oh cool, those are the kind I use too.”

And at that moment all I wanted was my receipt and a getaway car! 

I'm human too, I'm the victim of myself

Oh Yeah!

Some of you might remember a post I did not long ago about my son’s…er…journey with wrestling titled Don’t Poke the Bear, the Mama Bear, that is(If you haven’t read it, click the link, then come back.)

So…all of that went down before Christmas break and now we’ve been back in school about three weeks. Over the break, and even before it, as well as since then Bob worked with Henry doing exercises, mainly pushups, and drills and my mom bought him a DVD where they showed drills for us to do at home. Unfortunately, my friend never got back to me, but Bob and I stayed with it and made him do his exercises and practice drills nearly every night since that little brat Reynolds informed him he wouldn’t be wrestling with my son anymore because Henry wasn’t “good enough” for him to practice with.

It’s been around three weeks back to three-day a week practices and Bob and I alternating being the poor sap in the drill who gets roughed up and so far no real change.

Then, it happened…Bob dropped him off at wrestling and then went back to get him. When he walked in there was Henry beating the stuffing out of this kid! (Fairly, I might add.) Over and over and over and over Henry kept pinning him and a few of the others who hadn’t considered him a viable opponent!

Proud Mama, today!

Didja Know?, I'm human too, I'm the victim of myself

Didja Know? #3 ~ The secret agony of pushups!

I hate to tell you all this, but I think the majority of you all probably know the fact for today. At least in part. But just in case…

Did you know that a simple pushup works six muscle groups:

  1. Pectoralis major–large chest muscles, think breast area
  2. Deltoids–shoulders
  3. Triceps brachii–backs of the upper arms
  4. Serratus anterior–under the armpits and in the back of the chest
  5. Abdominal muscles–stomach area (even if you’ve got a layer of insulation, you still have muscles under there!)
  6. Coracobrachialis–shoulder blade to upper arm

 

Here are some benefits:

  1. Muscle stretching and strengthening–also adds definition!
  2. Fire up the cardiovascular system which is good for both a healthy heart and weight loss
  3. Improves your posture
  4. Increases bone mass
  5. Best of all…works your abs without the dreaded crunches! (They’re probably not so bad, but I always get vertigo when I do them.)

 

While the above is true for everyone if the pushup is done correctly, my next statement might not be accurate for everyone:

When doing a minimum of two within a five-minute span, be prepared to be extremely sore for no less than 36-hours! This is one of those “don’t ask me how I know” facts. All I can say is: 1. I have another post to put up today that might explain this all a little better and 2. I may or may not be extremely sore after starting a “pushup” challenge yesterday… but I’m not talking.

Didja Know?, I'm the victim of myself

Didja Know?

As I’m rapidly approaching a milestone birthday I’ve decided I need to start tackling my Bucket List–specifically the items that take a little more time than skydiving (which isn’t on the list, so calm down , Mom). And because I’m as odd as (or possibly odder than) Sir Wallace Benedict one of the things on my list is to learn something new every day for a year.

Yay me! And YAY YOU because you get to come along with me on this journey AND your Didja Know lessons begin a day before mine with a little tutorial at how to follow this series (and my whole blog) in your inbox so you don’t have to rely on if Facebook will show you the post and possibly miss some crucial, life enhancing information that we all know you all are dying to keep track of. 

So…in the upper righthand corner has a little subscribe button (if you’ve already subscribed it’ll tell you so–and thank you) but if you haven’t, just click the “sign me up” button. It’ll ask for your email address, then send you an email to confirm.

That’s it. Then you’ll get to enjoy all these daily treasures with the rest of us!

If you DON’T want daily email, you can make sure you see these every day by going to my Facebook Page  and do the following:

  1. Like page.
  2. Hover your cursor where it says “liked” and wait for the drop-down menu to come up.
  3. Look at the bottom option where it has notifications, click there and check either All Posts or you can be more specific about which ones.

 

Now, to answer everyone’s burning question of if this means I won’t be blogging about my own craziness for the next year–the answer is: of course I will! It just means some days there might be two posts.

 

 

 

Bob, I'm human too, I'm the victim of myself, Writing

Is it impossible to die of embarrassment?!

Earlier this school year, my kids started getting into chatting on the phone. I am not a fan of this as it’s not just the phone, but it’s…FaceTime and it makes me feel as if I HAVE to keep my house spotless at all times because you never know when one of their little friends is going to call.

For example, this morning, I got out of the shower and just as soon as I got my hair up into a makeshift beehive with my towel, the phone starts ringing. I picked it up and almost hit answer when I realized it was a FACETIME call and there was no way I was going to answer such a call wearing a beehive and my birthday suit! Good heavens.

Not to be deterred, a little later when I was dressed, my kids got their grubby hands on the phone and FaceTimed one of their friends. As is custom, each child MUST give a complete tour of their home to everyone who calls–no matter if they’ve seen the house before or not.

After several wails and giggles, I heard them nearing the living room where I’m tapping away on a very…involved scene with Simon an Henrietta (with super messy hair, I might add) and my husband was lounging in a robe and underwear on the couch watching The Larry Crowne Affair. Carefully, I draw myself away from the computer and creep down the hall and position myself so I’ll be out of sight from the camera and inform Henry that his tour needs to stop at the end of the hall today.

He nods his understanding and immediately says, “Billy, I can’t show you anymore, my parents are in the living room watching an adult movie.”

I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t tell if I wanted to laugh or die of humiliation! Unfortunately, I only made it worse when I said, “Tell him the movie is fine, it’s that your dad isn’t dressed for viewing.”

He nodded again, “My dad is being inappropriate.”

Just kill me now!

Happy Monday, everyone!

funny, I'm the victim of myself, things that make me laugh

Why, Just Why Wednesday

[WARNING: Don’t read this post during your lunch break! Even though it’s probably lunch time…]

Like everyone else last month, I was perusing websites looking for gift ideas for that one person I hadn’t a clue what to buy for.

In my case, it was for a teenage boy. Having never been a teenage boy I didn’t even know where to begin so I went to Google.

One of the top (yes, you read that right, TOP) gift ideas:

A blackhead removal toolkit…

And because a link to this one just isn’t enough, here’s a picture, too!
71hM+yIad3L._SX522_

 

 

Is it just me or do some of those tools look like what they use on your teeth at the dentist?

You’re welcome!