Bob, Edits from Bob, Fun Fact Friday, Officer Series, The Officer and the Traveler

Friday Fun~Bob’s Edits for The Officer and the Traveler

Unfortunately, Bob read this book in the middle of the semester, so he left fewer comments than usual. One somewhat hilarious thing he did do, however, was stayed up until 1:30 reading it which might have been because I may or may not have told him that there were seven bedroom scenes…

  • No. Just no.
  • Oooh, plump limps, how interesting (oops, that was supposed to be plump lips!)
  • Reword this sentence, it sounds funny and not in a “ha ha” sort of way
  • Oh me, oh my!
  • And eat some Frosted Flakes, cause they’re Grrrreat! (This was in reference to Gray skipping dinner and going straight to the watchtower.)
  • Delete
  • Umm, when I tried to give you a different word to use here, I didn’t realize the context you were wanting to use it, but this isn’t it
  • HUH?
  • Oh, how diplomatic… Not.
  • Would genuine ladies be so forward, Mrs. Gordon?
  • Now that’s a strange saying–but we’d expect nothing less from you
  • A womanizer with morals?!
  • Turbo! (Just to be clear this was not a remark said in conduction with a love scene, but rather a reference to a snail in a race.)
  • I think if she’s there, she’s present
  • Woolgathering?
  • Gasp!
  • Different word needed, if someone reads this too fast… Yikes!
  • Switch this and that
  • Now that is scandalous!

And my favorite comment he made about the book: Did you model General Davis after your father?

Don’t forget, this book is now available so if you haven’t already read it, you can read it now along with Bob’s commentary. Or if you’ve already read it, you can make a game of figuring out where everything goes! Have a wonderful weekend!

Traveler FGOS
Captain Grayson Montgomery has just let his mouth get him into trouble again—quite literally. Being promptly informed that he must either marry the young lady he was caught with in a scandalous embrace or face a possible seven years of hard labor, Gray makes the obvious choice to marry her. It’ll just be a marriage of circumstance with no chance of either getting hurt.

Michaela Davis is in a state of shock. First, she was kissed nearly senseless by a sweet talking stranger, only to have the bliss end with the uncomfortable realization that they’d been seen! And by her father, no less. If that’s not bad enough, who she thought was just a charming stranger is none other than the heartless cad who broke her young heart as a girl!

Circumstances might dictate that they marry, but they’re both about to learn that circumstances don’t always bring about a happily-ever-after—only they can control that.

   

Bob, Edits from Bob, Just for Fun

Life would be boring without husbands…

…and so would the third round of editing a book.

Or at least that’s my feelings.

Today, I’ll post the typos and comical thoughts Bob had on His Brother’s Bride when he read it after the second draft to offer a man’s perspective.

But first, I have to go back Jilted. There was a comment he made that was totally hysterical (to me) that I didn’t post because I didn’t want to ruin anything for anyone. It’s been more than two months now so I don’t think I’m in as much danger of spoiling anything for those who follow me here.

At the end of the second chapter, after Amelia has woken up from her drug-induced sleep only to return home and be told by her brother that she’ll have to marry Lord Friar, post haste, my husband left a comment saying, “The moral of this story is: Don’t drink the fruity punch!”

With no further ado, here are his thoughts on my upcoming book:

  • Compost is good for gardening… (Honestly, I don’t understand this one as the word I’d put was compose instead of composed.)
  • At times like this, I think you say ‘at times’ too much.
  • With his mustache? (This was totally off the way, and an inside joke, I’m afraid. We have a friend who has a really thick, bushy mustache that I always refer to as a broom because of all of its bristles. So when I said, “Henry swept her from the top of her head to the hem of her wide skirt…” his mind went to brooms. Strange man.)
  • Oh, the dramatics.
  • This might the a bit much…
  • She didn’t want to go into the house earlier, and now she’s sleeping in his bed? Fickle woman.
  • Why is she questioning this? Didn’t she just watch him make it? (Yes, dear, and if you’d keep reading, you’ll notice he asks her the same question!)
  • She did not!
  • Mrs. Gordon, you’s all sorts of nasty today. (Uh, yeah, when reading the sentence, you’d think he had more delicate sensibilities than Lady O pretends to have. Good grief, we haven’t gotten to the scandalizing parts yet.)
  • This sounds more like a liver disease than a flower to me.
  • Oh, so funny, darling. Only you.
  • Dog poo? (Oops, I had two “do’s” in a sentence. I swear, I’d be a wreck without his good sense and careful eye…)
  • Spotted, huh. Did he have leprosy? (No, actually, acne.)
  • Men don’t lose their breath when they’re excited by what they see, they get a– (That’ll be enough of that, Mr. Gordon!)
  • Funny sentence structure.
  • Isn’t this a little excessive. Demand they marry because they dance more than twice at a ball? (Sadly, no, it was very realistic.)
  • Henry has my sympathy, you’re chilly, too, sometimes. (Thanks, dear.)
  • This is too vague. I think you need to be more descriptive in such a scene. (In case you’re curious, it was an intimate scene. Honestly, I get awkward as it is with those, I couldn’t imagine being more descriptive.)

For as crazy as Bob makes me at times, he never fails to amuse me with what he thinks are important changes to my books. Admittedly, I have taken several of his suggestions over the year (mainly on correcting typos), and I always look forward to his thoughts. I hope you all have a wonderful Tuesday!

Books, Characters, Edits from Bob, Just for Fun, My own craziness, Updates

Bob’s commentary on His Jilted Bride

A little more than a year ago, I was looking for something to post about. I know that’s hard to believe because my posts are always so well thought-out and come so frequently (if only), but there you have it. I was in need of something to say to fill a day and decided to post my husband’s wonderful assessment of my upcoming book (which at the time was Her Secondhand Groom).

I’ve tried to keep the tradition going with of the subsequent books and today, I will share Bob’s oh-so-necessary (and amusing) commentary about His Jilted Bride.

  • A vivid scene diminished by one word: brown. What color brown? Chocolate brown? Mud Brown? (another suggestion of brown that I won’t list, but you can use your imagination for).  As it turns out, I did change it, to mud brown. To which one of my crit gals complained saying, “Mud brown? I was hoping for something a bit more complimentary!” Sorry, but for an eight-year-old boy, mud brown is probably as complimentary as it’s going to get.
  • Eh, why does Alex have to be reading a book about biology? What about astrophysics? Maybe because astrophysics wasn’t introduced as a science for another 85 years?
  • Oh my! This is a little much for a five-year-old. A warm, wet kiss, makes her sound like a five-year-old prostitute. Maybe a sloppy, wet one. I bow to my husband’s immature mind. Of course he’d know how an eight-year-old boy would term a kiss better than I.
  • Amusing while confusing at the same time. 
  • Ha Ha, very funny. Can you sense the sarcasm?
  • And are they…large breasts? Typical man!
  • Is this a word? Yes, unmarriageable is a word, no matter how much the spellcheck argues it.
  • Too many periods. While he’s speaking in terms of a punctuation error I made, I had to laugh at the irony…
  • And the moral of this story is don’t —– (I’ll have to fill this one in later!)
  • Men do not speak in this fashion, especially about THAT! Oh yes, they do!
  • There was never a more untrue statement. I lie to you every day for the better. Oh, really?
  • Another moral in this fine tale! Yep, chock full of them.
  • Oh my! Scandalous! I try. I do have a reputation to uphold you know.
  • He squeezed her tush. Bottom seems so juvenile. No comment.
  • I’d laugh, but I know someone else like that…
  • I wonder where you got this from? Well, since you asked…it was you, my dear!
  • Delete.
  • You need your asterisks
  • Starfish! It’s an inside joke, I’m afraid, but the joke is in the book, in a way.
  • ?
  • What a lovely image this invokes. After reading the sentence, I’m sure it does invoke a lovely image for a man–it did for Elijah, too, or it wouldn’t be included in his thoughts.
  • Skin. Flesh makes me think of Hannibal.
  • I thought she was going to spit on them!
  • And she died right then after a heavy man collapsed on her after sex. I think I’ll try this next time. 
  • Expose their phalanges? How improper!
  • Mrs. Gordon, this needs to change. You need to protect the identity of your fallen spiders! Sorry, Mr. Fuzzinelli, you’ve been outed.
  • Ixnay.
  • And just where is that? Above her bosom? You should say it that way.
  • Maybe you should rethink bringing a mollusk into your bedroom scene. Alrighty then. No more moving at a snail’s pace. Ever.
  • News Headline: Woman is Collapsed Upon after Intercourse, Paramedics Unable to Resuscitate her. Cause of death:  suffocation. 
  • You corn dog. Guess the ending wasn’t as butch and manly as he’d hoped?

That’s all for today… I’ll be back later the the week with that one word that causes so much debate around here: Prologue!