I'm the victim of myself, Just for Fun, My own craziness, Randomness

The Draft File…

Two years and Three weeks ago today I began my life as a ‘published author”. Not merely did I dip my toe into the waters, I climbed all the way up to the top of the proverbial 30-foot high dive platform, walked across and took a flying leap down into a pool that at times has not felt deep enough.

In February 2011, I went from virtually unknown–scratch that, I wasn’t virtually unknown, I was completely unknown, the only people of my acquaintance who knew I’d written anything was my husband and one of his co-workers. That was it. So I went from being just one person in the world, to one more person who had written a story.

Not much of a difference. Except, I then had a job of trying to do the one thing I’d never wanted to do before: draw attention to myself.

I am PAINFULLY shy. If you ever meet me in person, I might surprise you. I’m not the life of the party or fun, I’d rather be like Regina Banks and blend into the wallpaper. That’s where I feel like I belong!

When starting, there are a few things one has to do (other than have a book written lol):

Website

Facebook Page

Blog

The website was easy enough. The Facebook Page made me grumble. But the blog made me want to cower in a corner and breathe into a paper bag. I am terrible at blogging (just ask those who’ve been following me a while). I never have an idea what to say and have often made a real idiot of myself trying to say something interesting.

Well, after two years, I still don’t have any easier of a time when I sit down to write a post (this one for example, I started more than four hours ago), but I do have 96 “drafts” where I’ve started a post, only to give it up.

Today, I thought I’d share a few “starts”:

This was intro to my first visit to the State Fair last October, titled: Strange Confessional

Shamefully, I have only posted like two or three times in the last fortnight, and one of those was to present my latest book as  if you were all sitting on the edge of your seats, biting your fingernails to the quick with anxiety over it.  So now, almost a week later, I do believe it is time to move on and write something else. Unfortunately, I have no real news, nor is there any inspiration striking for writerly advice. 

However, I feel compelled to confess I’d never been to the fair before. Ever. Yes,  I know it is nearly unheard of for anyone to reach adulthood without going to the fair, but I did! And now, I’m about to share my recent adventure that has left me undecided on if not going was the disappointing thing I thought it was or if it was truly a blessing in disguise.

It all started a few weeks ago when out of nowhere I agreed to be the room mom. That’s when I first found out that this year would be the year for me. The year I’d finally get to go see what all the fuss was all about. The only caveat was I’d be going with a gaggle of kids ages four to six. As my heart started to pound just thinking about taking so many children to such a large, crowded place, I put the thought out of my mind, otherwise they might have to scrape me off the floor. As the days got closer, I got a little more comfortable with the idea, but still a little apprehensive.

Then the day arrived…

To sum up the part that I didn’t write here: it was a horrid affair. Filled with a whiney, bratty kid (not mine. Thank God) clinging onto my pant legs until he almost pulled them down, screaming, answering awkward questions about how the baby goat got in the mama goat’s belly, a lego up someone’s nose and a temper tantrum like I’ve never seen before. But the weather was good!

Here’s another.  I wrote this one last August when my kids were about to go back to school, titled: Kids + Outside = Resistance, “no fun”, and a tinge of whining! Why, oh why?

Today is the last day of my kids’ summer break. Thank goodness. For as much as I love them, and I really do, they’ve been driving me nuts!

When I was a kid, we played outside. As soon as it was bright enough to see, we were out riding our bikes, wrestling the neighbors, throwing water balloons, and just being noisy in general until it was almost so dark you couldn’t see in front of you. We even ate lunch outside! Not these days. I never thought I’d be one of those moms who let her kids get addicted to the TV and refuse to go outside. In fact, I only allow them to watch very little, and yet, all summer it was like pulling teeth to get my kids to stay outside. Sure, they’d go out for about then minutes, then suddenly, the sliding glass door would open and the words, “I’m bored” would echo through the house.

My first thought of course was: How can that be? You have all sorts of toys out there. From a swing set with slide to a cozy coupe, they have all sorts of things to keep them entertained…and they’re not.

The concept of boredom when they have so many toys, plus a brother close in age and a dog, is too hard for me to wrap my mind around it.

So if this scenario reminds you of yourself this summer, know that you are not alone. I suffered it, too. As did millions of other 

One more. The title I’d given this one (and I can’t remember where I was going with it because it’s been so long) was Oh. My. Which is perfect because when I read over it a few minutes ago while going through my draft list, that is the FIRST thing that popped into my mind.

[Warning: Please be advised, this post discusses s-e-x. If you swoon at the thought, please delete this from your inbox or close the page immediately.]

As it would happen, I have two children, and this may be a shocker, but neither were conceived while sitting in a church pew. They were, however, conceived with the lights (including the nightlight) off, in the dead of night, while I waited under the covers, wearing a thick, flannel nightgown that stretched from my chin to my ankles. Bob, who was dressed similarly, slipped between the covers and did something–I’m not entirely certain what–while I counted the textured balls along the ceiling by the light of the moon. I don’t know about the rest of you, but for me, this was the way of things.

Because I live the life of a wannabe nun who just so happened to want children, I hire someone to write my sex scenes… And while proofreading over one of my books tonight, I was mortified with what I read. Absolutely MORTIFIED. Who does that stuff?! And who even thinks of it?! Good grief.

As I said, oh my. I have NO idea where I was going with that, which is probably a blessing, and just in case you couldn’t tell, it was intentionally meant to be sarcastic.

I hope you all enjoyed something and I didn’t scandalize anyone too much.

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23 thoughts on “The Draft File…”

  1. I am thankful to see that your last post was sarcastic. The thought of you having someone else write your sex scenes. Scandalous. And as the older woman here, I would have had to high tail it over to your house…I’m not fond of travel…and tell you how important that part of marriage is.

    1. LOL I’ve attempted to convince my family members that I have someone else write those scenes. It makes for a happy “agreement” between us all as my mom doesn’t like to think I know anything about such matters (yes, still, two children later…).

  2. This was great. If you would have asked me about the fair I could have told you that you weren’t missing out on a thing. I am not a germ-a-phobe but I absolutely can’t stand the fair because of it being so dirty. Give me Disneyland any day, where your kid spills a whole thing of popcorn and you turn to reassure him it’s okay and we can get another one and you turn back to do something about the mess and it’s already been magically cleaned up.
    I am not an outdoors person at all so I often feel bad for not making my kids go outside and play. Growing up I was just like you, where you spent all the time you could outside (even when it was 110 degrees outside).

    As for the last post, well,… I might not have been dressed neck to toe in flannel but there were times I thought I could have easily been a nun (if I were Catholic) except that I wanted kids so badly. Now why did I want kids so badly??? I do wonder where you were going with that, too bad you can’t remember.

    1. I haven’t taken my kids to Disneyland. Yet. One day we’ll go, but not today. The biggest problem with the fair was I had all these kids I was responsible for–and only one that was actually mine. It was nerve-wracking more than anything.

      I spent all day outside whether I wanted to or not when I was a kid. My mom would lock the door!

      LOL on the last part. My grandmother actually was literally days away from taking her final vow to be a nun when her twin sister came to the convent with her newborn. That’s when my grandmother changed her mind and decided to leave. She wanted kids of her own too much.

  3. “I am terrible at blogging (just ask those who’ve been following me a while). I never have an idea what to say and have often made a real idiot of myself trying to say something interesting.”

    Honestly, I think you have one of the most fun blogs out there. You have a way of telling any story so that it’s interesting. I’m surprised you think you’re terrible at this. I think you’re wonderful at blogging. 😀

    I kind of like fairs, but I have to be in the mood to go and I will only go if my kids are with me. But see, they get to run off and play on rides and play games, so it’s actually a way to be with them without them driving me crazy because they’re bored in the house.

    Which brings me to the topic of playing outside. I played outside all the time when I was a kid, too. I do keep the deaf one home while the others play, though, so it’s harder for him. I usually take the kids out somewhere on the weekends so we can all do something as a family. I tend to be the type of person who likes to get out and do stuff, though that contributes to the need to get out of the house.

    LOL on the last part. I thought you were going to say you hired someone to do your sex scenes and thought, “Good grief. I can do way better than that” so took over and brought your imagination to the bedroom, but I was wrong. 😛

    Fun post, and I have some drafts, too.

    1. I’m glad you like my blogging. I subscribe to only about a dozen or so, most of which are always concise and to the point or offer really useful/interesting information. My posts are sporadic, sometimes long, sometimes short, and often about every day things.

      I think had my kids been older and the only ones I was responsible for, it might have been more enjoyable.

      Do you not like to get out of the house? No worries if you don’t, I’d be a recluse if I didn’t have to drive my kids to school!

      Oh, my husband asks why certain characters get to do things we don’t… GOOD GRIEF. Sometimes when I reread over my books and get to those scenes I go red in the face and keep glancing over my shoulder to make sure I’m alone.

      We ALL have drafts!

      1. I love getting out of the house. I must not have been clear on that. 😀 I get restless if I haven’t left the house in a couple of days. I think part of what Minnesota didn’t work was because there was nowhere to go.

        I think when you have kids, a lot of creativity in the bedroom flies out the window. Let’s face it. When you have kids, you just get tired. LOL

  4. You are wonderful at writing and blogging. I follow a few blogs and yours is the one I enjoy the most. You make me laugh out loud an usually about things that everybody can relate to. Thank you for sharing your wonderful stories with us!

    Daniela

    1. Thanks for following me, Daniela. I do hope everyone can relate to my posts. There are a few in the “archives” I should probably “re-post” since so few were following me back then.

  5. Thank you so much for your posts. I comment all the time on blogs, but I am willing to admit that the quality of my blatherings varies from day to day. Some days its good, most days pretty lame. Thank you for having the courage to eventually jump off that platform–I am still too terrified to jump off that platform and into the writing pool. 😉

    1. Thanks for your comment, Sandy. I don’t usually comment on posts, either.

      As for jumping from the platform. I’m reminded of the old saying, “If you don’t get in the water, you’re never going to learn to swim!” It DOES take courage to jump, but I reached a place where I felt I needed to do something: let others read them or do something else with my time. I’d written and hoarded more than four complete books that weren’t doing anything but gathering dust, proverbially, of course, since they were on the computer.

  6. Fun post, Rose! I often wonder “where is she going with this?”… It’s great to know that, half the time, you don’t know either! Lol

    You know I love the blog, I smile anytime I check my mail and see a new Rose Gordon post.. it’s an adventure… You never know what you’re going to hear about that day 🙂

    1. Thanks, Darah.

      No, you never know what you’re going to hear about in my posts. I like to keep it fresh! (That and I have no idea what I’m going to post about before I sit down and stare at the blank screen for at least an hour.)

  7. That last post just made me laugh. You must have been channelling your innner regency mother, telling us all to do our duty and think of London. Amazing how any kids were born during the Regency if that (really which I doubt) was the prervading opinion. I don’t have kids but I’m hoping I can get them to spend time out side, but I’m sure all of you with kids are just laughing at me on that one.

    1. That’s right!

      I think that was really only the opinion of the aristocratic group. And even then, only between spouses, who probably didn’t care for the other. Among commoners, there was lots of “happy, healthy” marriages that produced tons of kids. And in the higher circles, the men did keep mistresses, who had to seem to enjoy it some or their men would lose interest and many women took lovers.

      I do think it was a small percentage of ladies who had no interest, and since their husband’s interest rivaled theirs, once the heir and spare were born, they were done.

      So it all worked out.

      Email me when you have children of you own, we’ll chat!

  8. This is so FUNNY! I read, and finished HIS CONTRACT BRIDE yesterday, and as one does when falling off to sleep, had several things running through my mind. The main one being “laying there wrapped in a flannel gown and counting the tiles on the ceiling”. I know at some point, it only took ONE woman to tell her daughter that and it became norm. My thought was, “What sort of real woman would ever tell her daughter this, and for God’s dake, WHY?” I figured it had to be because she had had an awful sexual experience at some time and therefore assumed all sex was bad. Or was it because she never wanted to have sex with a man in the first place and hence just counted the ceiling tiles to get through it. But like most things in life, it did begin with just ONE woman saying this and it spread til it became normal.

    PS I have 3 kids (set of twins and a daughter), and there were no flannel nightgowns involved, probably because I quit wearing them when I was about 10 and at that time I didn’t even know anything about s-e-x, and it wasn’t dark because of no lights being on, it was well, let’s see, how to say this without sounding like a complete tramp? It was the 70’s, great answer, explains a lot, really it does.

    1. Well, for some women, it’s not enjoyable? Imagine being one of those 17 year old debutantes who was married off to a 65 year old drunkard. I’m not sure, but I don’t think it’d be an enjoyable experience for her.

      I think sometimes it’s hard to think about just how unromantic the “elite” were back then. Not to mention, while a lot of the young ladies were very thin, the men were not. Very few actually did any kind of exercise and many dishes of meat were served at meals.

      LOL nobody thinks you’re a tramp. I have a friend, however, who will openly tell people, “Good think you don’t know the old Jane, she was a ho” in reference to herself. She just cracks me up.

    2. You know thinking about it, I wonder if it got started as a way to keep their daughters chaste until the wedding night. Make it sound like a duty that they have to endure. Although I’m sure that did not work as well as they might have hoped either because even back then we kow there were lots of children born “3 months early” yet amazingly at full birth weight.

      1. The three months early phenomenon actually was more of a thing in the Victorian Era when social restriction started to change.

        As for chastity…I think a lot of girls were curious, which might have led to some issues, but I also think you were coming out of the heels of one of the biggest “arranged marriage” eras in history, when most couples weren’t happy with their spouses. The Regency was the first time in many centuries where any semblance of a love match was encouraged. So all of their mothers had had arranged marriages and likely awful night time activities.

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