Books, Characters, Edits from Bob, Just for Fun, My own craziness, Updates

Bob’s commentary on His Jilted Bride

A little more than a year ago, I was looking for something to post about. I know that’s hard to believe because my posts are always so well thought-out and come so frequently (if only), but there you have it. I was in need of something to say to fill a day and decided to post my husband’s wonderful assessment of my upcoming book (which at the time was Her Secondhand Groom).

I’ve tried to keep the tradition going with of the subsequent books and today, I will share Bob’s oh-so-necessary (and amusing) commentary about His Jilted Bride.

  • A vivid scene diminished by one word: brown. What color brown? Chocolate brown? Mud Brown? (another suggestion of brown that I won’t list, but you can use your imagination for).  As it turns out, I did change it, to mud brown. To which one of my crit gals complained saying, “Mud brown? I was hoping for something a bit more complimentary!” Sorry, but for an eight-year-old boy, mud brown is probably as complimentary as it’s going to get.
  • Eh, why does Alex have to be reading a book about biology? What about astrophysics? Maybe because astrophysics wasn’t introduced as a science for another 85 years?
  • Oh my! This is a little much for a five-year-old. A warm, wet kiss, makes her sound like a five-year-old prostitute. Maybe a sloppy, wet one. I bow to my husband’s immature mind. Of course he’d know how an eight-year-old boy would term a kiss better than I.
  • Amusing while confusing at the same time. 
  • Ha Ha, very funny. Can you sense the sarcasm?
  • And are they…large breasts? Typical man!
  • Is this a word? Yes, unmarriageable is a word, no matter how much the spellcheck argues it.
  • Too many periods. While he’s speaking in terms of a punctuation error I made, I had to laugh at the irony…
  • And the moral of this story is don’t —– (I’ll have to fill this one in later!)
  • Men do not speak in this fashion, especially about THAT! Oh yes, they do!
  • There was never a more untrue statement. I lie to you every day for the better. Oh, really?
  • Another moral in this fine tale! Yep, chock full of them.
  • Oh my! Scandalous! I try. I do have a reputation to uphold you know.
  • He squeezed her tush. Bottom seems so juvenile. No comment.
  • I’d laugh, but I know someone else like that…
  • I wonder where you got this from? Well, since you asked…it was you, my dear!
  • Delete.
  • You need your asterisks
  • Starfish! It’s an inside joke, I’m afraid, but the joke is in the book, in a way.
  • ?
  • What a lovely image this invokes. After reading the sentence, I’m sure it does invoke a lovely image for a man–it did for Elijah, too, or it wouldn’t be included in his thoughts.
  • Skin. Flesh makes me think of Hannibal.
  • I thought she was going to spit on them!
  • And she died right then after a heavy man collapsed on her after sex. I think I’ll try this next time. 
  • Expose their phalanges? How improper!
  • Mrs. Gordon, this needs to change. You need to protect the identity of your fallen spiders! Sorry, Mr. Fuzzinelli, you’ve been outed.
  • Ixnay.
  • And just where is that? Above her bosom? You should say it that way.
  • Maybe you should rethink bringing a mollusk into your bedroom scene. Alrighty then. No more moving at a snail’s pace. Ever.
  • News Headline: Woman is Collapsed Upon after Intercourse, Paramedics Unable to Resuscitate her. Cause of death:  suffocation. 
  • You corn dog. Guess the ending wasn’t as butch and manly as he’d hoped?

That’s all for today… I’ll be back later the the week with that one word that causes so much debate around here: Prologue!

16 thoughts on “Bob’s commentary on His Jilted Bride”

  1. This is the first time I have read Bob’s commentary before reading the book and it’s just not the same. It is funny to imagine what these scenes might be though. I will have to come back and read this again after I have read the book.

  2. i wait with bated breath…

    “STARFISH”. – my husband, euphemist that he is — not to be confused with feminist, he is nothing of the kind — used to say, “Life is a starfish…” or “That’s a starfish”…

    One day I asked him what he meant by that, he responded, “What’s on the bottom of a starfish?”

    “Suction cups,” said I.

    “What do they do?” asked he…

    “They suck,” replied I.

    “Life is a starfish,” reiterated he.

    And TAT’s no bovine scatology.

  3. I love Bob’s comments. Thanks for posting them. Death by sex, huh? Can’t wait. I read one part of my book to hubbers but he looks at it differently. Not into romances. He did give me some good advice and I made changes though.

    1. Bob isn’t a lover of romance, either. The only ones he’s ever read have been mine. He doesn’t read any others, which is why I can’t ALWAYS take his advice. But it’s still pretty humorous!

  4. Movies sometimes show the goofs at the end. Maybe you need to make Bob’s comments part of the book, at the end.

    1. Maybe not. I think those who truly like to indulge themselves in my craziness have found me here. I don’t know if the masses would like to find that at the end of the book! LOL

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