I love my husband. I really do. But…
The man is going to give me a head full of gray hair before I’m 30–count on it.
I don’t think I’ve ever given my husband a name on here, so I’m going to “name” him now: Bob. He’ll love that. Anyway, Bob and I have been married more than seven years now so one would think I’d be used to him by now. But I’m not. As it turns out, Bob loses everything. In the six years he worked at hospital, he had to buy a replacement badge at least five times. Three out of five mornings each week before work, the two of us would have to do a search for his set of car keys. The other two days each week, we’d either search for his wallet or I’d have to page his pager (yes, even in 2011 he was required to wear a pager), then listen for it.
It may seem funny, but until very recently, he didn’t even have a key to our house because he has a knack for losing them and had lost the keys to our first apartment and our first rental house within days of having them. So when we bought our house, it was decided immediately that he didn’t need a key.
Despite my many urgings to place all of his items: badge, pager, wallet, keys, phone, in a basket by the door, this was our routine. For more than six and a half years, we did this. And fortunately, for as aggravating as it was, his lost items were always contained within our home or car.
No so anymore.
Last fall, Bob put his scrubs away and returned to school; and with his returning to school, a new round of losing-object woes has begun. This time, he’s not losing things around the house, but OUTSIDE our home. And the past month has been the worst yet…
During the last weekend in February, we went with another family across the state line to attend a music program. When we arrived home, Bob announced that his wallet was no longer in his jacket. Used to this, I just ignored it and said, “We’ll look for it tomorrow. I’m too tired right now.”
The next day we searched and searched but never found it. The longer we looked, the more my panic set in. I remembered him having it in the afternoon, but I couldn’t remember one way or the other if he’d had it at the music program. Finally, I resigned myself to the idea that he’d lost it there or somewhere along the way–but before calling to cancel all the cards, I decided to call the owner of the van we rode in and ask if he’d left it in there. I wasn’t very hopeful though. Surely, if he’d left it in their car, they’d have already called, right? Fortunately that was not the case and it was literally right on the edge along the door when she opened the van.
So you think this would make Bob more careful and aware of what was or wasn’t in his pockets, right?
Four days later, our youngest son brought home his folder from school and had green stamps on every single day for the month of February. This is rare and a huge accomplishment for him. We had to reward him. So we took the family out to see Star Wars Episode I in 3-D. We get home and surprise, surprise, Bob cannot find his phone. We look top to bottom around the house and in the car. It’s nowhere. We get the kids and bed and do our prayers and just for good measure, I say, “Boys, have you seen Daddy’s phone?”
Eddie, age six, sits up in his bed. “No, but I felt it fall out of his pocket while I was sitting on his lap at the movie.”
Seriously, son! And you couldn’t have said something while we were still there?!?! “All right, honey. Thank you.”
We finish the bedtime routine, then I cast my husband an overdone scowl and scurry off to call the theater.
Eighteen hours later, the phone was found and back in his possession.
So now you’d think Bob would really be mindful of the contents of his pockets, right?
Thursday is date day for us. Our kids are still too young to be left to watch themselves and I don’t really know a lot of trusted baby sitters who are available when I need them. So it works best for us to have lunch and do something together on Thursdays while our kids are in school. I’ll spare you the details of the movie as it was one of those, “I cannot believe I sat through all of this” types. But as we’re getting ready to leave, I say, “Bob, do you have you phone, keys and everything else?”
He assures me that he does and we leave. Ten minute later, we’re across the street ordering lunch at Panera and what do you know, his wallet is NOT in his pocket.
The other times it was merely an annoyance, but this time, I’m really irritated with him almost to the point of just wanting to yell and scream at him like a lunatic.
As expected, the movie theater refuses to let us go search the auditorium for it, nor has it been turned in yet. And also as expected, my husband neglects to give them a name and number to call him at when it’s found…
As I said, I love the man, but sometimes he really tries my patience.
Fortunately, the next day the theater did find it, but I still cancelled everything. Call me pessimistic, but with all his information there, all someone has to do is jot down the credit card numbers and his address and they’re good to go for a spending spree.
Anyway, it was our argument about his chronic loss of things that led to the poll. He thought it was normal and that two losses wasn’t any big deal–that likely most men had lost it more than that. However, the results of the poll (so far) put him and his skewed thinking in the minority. So far, 16 have said it’s never happened–plus, the “other” said never outside, but all the time inside. So that’s 17. Only 8 have said 1-2, times and only 1 person said 3-4 times.
Thank you for voting, ladies, but thanks even more for proving my point!!!
(On an off note, when I called the bank to cancel his debit card, the lady goes, “Did you want to reorder him one?” To which I said, “Do I want to? No. But I think I’d better if I want him to pick something up at the grocery store on his way home for me.”)