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A Day in the Life Part 8: The Domestic Goddess

I know this may come as a shock to a good number of you, so please, for your own safety and wellbeing, grab onto a sturdy object for support.

Ready?

All right, here goes: “I am NOT a Domestic Goddess.”

Sure I’ve tried my hand at scrapbooking and cardmaking. In fact, I don’t believe I’ve bought a single greeting card in two or three years because the ones I give are “priceless”. By that, I mean, I use about $5-10 worth of supplies and make a concoction that’s absolutely worthless! I also have more than 15 albums I’ve made that I dig out only when my husband has been especially annoying and I want to torture him.

As for baking…I’m abominable.

I have a saying that I’ve been meaningΒ to paint onto a piece of wood and hang it up in the kitchen above the stove. But I haven’t gotten around to this because by the time I’d do such a thing, I’d have wasted several hours of my life only to have something that looked like my boys used condiments to paint. Anyway the saying goes, “When it’s smokin’ it’s cooking; when it’s black, it’s done!”

That’s my motto. I’m the kind who likes the cheese on the top of my lasagna brown and crispy. Or black. You know, whatever.

When my husband and I first married, he used to give me a hard time that I couldn’t even make a grilled cheese properly. And he wasn’t wrong. I couldn’t. I’d burn it every time. After more than seven years, I still burn about 25% of them!

Rewind to two weeks ago, when “the call” came. And no, I don’t mean a book contract call, I mean the call from the head deaconess at my church asking me bake two batches of cookies for the church’s annual Christmas musical. Reluctantly, I agreed as a shiver skated down my spine. Burnt lasagna is still edible. Burnt cookies are not.

Two weeks and multiple practice batches that even my four-year-old wouldn’t touch later, I got it right! I was thrilled.

So…for anyone interested in a couple of cookie recipes that even I cannot ruin, use these!

M&M Cookies:

1 Box Yellow cake mix

1/4 C oil

1/4 C water

1 egg

M&Ms

Mix all together. Spoon out in 1″ balls then place on a GREASED cookie sheet about 2″ apart. Cook at 350 for 10-12 minutes–not a minute longer! (Optional, either mix the M&Ms into the dough, or spoon out the balls then press about 3 M&Ms into the top. Either way.)

Peanut Butter Cookies:

1 C peanut butter

1 C granulated sugar

1 egg

Mix. Spoon out in 1″ balls, place on GREASED cookie sheet about 2″ apart. Make criss-cross shape on top with fork. [Note: do NOT press hard when doing this, or the cookie will go flat, and burn… Instead, just light taps in both directions with the fork.) Bake at 350 for 8-10 minutes–not a minute longer.

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14 thoughts on “A Day in the Life Part 8: The Domestic Goddess”

  1. I can bake, when I master a recipe like my pumpkin muffins. But I seem to feel that I am above doing something such as following directions. Who has the time for step to step things?

    When growing up the girls group at church was Calvinette’s I hated craft time. I grew up on an animal farm and could carry buckets of feed and water that weighed plenty and I could carry two bales of hay and do any tomboy thing around, I could not do crafts. I still cannot and even at my ancient age I still am more tomboy than not, except for baking.

    So I am right there with you Rose. I also am not a domestic goddess.

    1. I cannot bake. Plain and simple. But when I cook, I don’t use recipes, either.

      I’ll look at one, get an idea of the general ingredients, then go at it.

      Recently my husband decided to make dinner so I could write (and yes, I started singing the hallelujah chorus when he offered to do this), about five minutes later, he came back into my office. “Uh, you know your recipe box?”

      “Yes. What about it?”

      “It only has one recipe in it.”

      “I know.” I point to my head. “All the rest are up here.”

      By the way, I’m a tomboy, too. (Isn’t it amazing that I write romances…)

  2. All our cherished family recipes that have been handed down from generation to generation come right off the box or the plastic wrap on the dough! We have never had to use a timer for anything…..we just wait for the smoke alarms to go off………they’re done!

    1. You are a woman after my own heart! My philosophy on burning sugar cookies is that with enough icing, you won’t be able to taste the charcoal on the bottom.

      By the way, a magnolia leaf will be just fine!

  3. Whew. I was scared you were going to say you were a domestic goddess. I always feel better when I know I’m not the only one. πŸ™‚

    Your recipes sound like too much work. I think if I ever get a call to bake anything, I’ll run down to the grocery store, go the bakery section, get the cookies, buy a nice plastic container, go home, take cookies out and place them into the container. Then I’ll complain to my kids that I am tired from all the hours I just spent working on these cookies. (Hey, driving to the store and getting everything organized is work!) So then the kids can tell everyone how much work I did. (It’s of course mandatory the kids be at school and see none of what I did because those little buggers will rat me out in a heartbeat.) πŸ˜›

    For pizza and other items, I also hit the bakery. It’s not just cookies.

    My motto is: Who’s kitchen is this and when will they make something?

    1. Oh dear. Those recipes were the easiest ones I could find! The fewer ingredients=the less work (and money) it’ll be when I have to start over.

      Nope, I’m not a domestic goddess on any front. My poor kids.

      I will say though, when I first married and we were dirt poor, I did make my one pizza crust. It was hard. But if I wanted pizza, it’s what I had to do. Now, I buy that refrigerated Pillsbury stuff. Much easier.

  4. My one claim to any kind of domesticty (Don’t know if thats a word but I’m using it anyways) is that I know how to make cookies from scratch, and usually just end of stopping that dough and eating that instead of baking them. As far as cooking goes I have about 12 things i can make and they all invovle hamburger.

    1. LOL I can make a few things. But I cannot bake.

      By the way, I don’t know if you’ve heard this or not, they say cookie dough is not good to eat without being baked. Just saying!

  5. I love to cook! …and my recipe use mirrors yours. I am forever tweaking. My poor husband says, “can’t you just make it like you did last time?” or “can’t you just make it normal?”

    However, I CANNOT bake. Sure I can do a cake from a mix, but I cannot bake a cookie to save my life…even the little frozen ones that you just have to put in the oven. My husband and girls bake those together.

    And grilled cheese…the smoke alarm goes off EVERY time. However, I can do the ones that you put in the toaster, butter, put cheese in the middle and microwave…just not quite the same.

    My mother-in-law is crafty, can bake ANYTHING (ask my girls), AND makes the BEST grilled cheese! πŸ™‚

    My crafting starts and ends with “cut & paste”! πŸ™‚

    I like to think on those things I CAN do…I’ll let you know when I think of them! πŸ˜€

    1. See, I like cooking, too. And normally it tastes all right. But my baking has a lot to be desired.

      Oh I do the cake mixes a lot. Both cookies and brownies are not my thing.

      I never thought to make a grilled cheese that way. I’ll have to try it.

      Have you thought of anything yet?

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