Normally I ask e-mailers if I can quote (or paraphrase) something they wrote in an e-mail before I share it, but this time I didn’t, so if you know who you are, I beg your indulgence.
I was recently asked if I ever read the things people say to me in e-mails and think: Huh? Well, the simple answer is yes. Usually this doesn’t happen, but sometimes it does… Anyway, that question has inspired my blog post this morning. (So thank you!)
Admittedly, I’m a strange person. I won’t deny that. But here are some things that never cease to make me either drop my jaw in shock, roll my eyes in irritation or shake my head in wonder:
- Wooden signs in my nearby city that say “Up With Trees”… (Seriously people?)
- Women who wear flip-flops in 40-degree weather just to show off their new pedicure (When I see this, I’m always tempted to make a jest about how they’ve taken “painting their toes” to a new meaning, since their purple toes seem to match the polish on the toenail…)
- Book reviews that read like this: 1st let me say this book was painfull to read with all the type-o’s and all the grammar arrows… It would benefit greatly from another editor. Now for the story… this book is dribble. don’t let thee good reviews full you (quit honestly, i’d have 2 say all those good reviews have to be from the author or his friends cuz this book is tht bad. stan is an unlickable hero. an judith is the worstest heroin ever. she gives knew meanting to the fraze TSTL. UGH! Good thing it was free or I’d have demanded my .99 back then dug in my couch for a pinny so I could go to Mickey D’s && get something from their $ menu. (You might laugh at this, and it was meant to be funny, but I see stuff like this almost every day. Don’t get me wrong, I think critical reviews are fine, because they, too, can be helpful, but when I see ones like this, I get embarrassed for the author. And I don’t mean the author of the book. I’m talking about the author of this sort of review.)
- Why stores start putting Christmas decorations on sale before Labor Day. (Don’t get me wrong. I’m not a Scrooge, but I don’t see the point in buying your 9′ pine in September.)
- Why adults want dress up on Halloween at work. (Don’t kill me!!! But I just don’t see the point of this.)
- Paying a delivery fee of $4.95 plus a tip on a pizza being delivered from a location less than 1.5 miles away. (I guess I’m cheap but I don’t see why I should have to pay both the delivery fee for his gas, plus a minimum $3 tip when he drove for literally three minutes. For that much money, I could have added a small pizza to my order and just gone to get it myself… And now that’s what I do.)
- Why it’s suddenly a big deal when there’s a place in not charging to sit on Santa’s lap. (This is just sad. While I don’t do the Santa-thing with my kids, I understand visiting Santa is what many kids enjoy most around the holiday season. I just think it’s ridiculous that it’s now mandatory to buy their pictures…)
- People who “tweet” the exact same message eight times in a row. (At first I seriously thought this was a glitch. It’s not. It’s just plain annoying is what it is.)
- When I get coded e-mails like this one: HT Rose, I JF’ed all 3 of SSS and JSYK , ILICISCOMK during LFP when Alex TAHH!!! SO FUNNY, IMO. Looking 4ward 2 the GS–HSG HRG HSHG & HIG. Okay TTYAT. (When I get these sorts of e-mails, my eyes glaze over. It’s only happened twice. Thank goodness. The first time, I spent 45 minutes trying to figure out what they wrote. The second time, I just replied with a simple, “Thank you for taking the time to write to me. I’m glad you enjoyed the books.”, and hoped they said they’d enjoyed the books. Honestly, I don’t know if they did or if there was a secret “You’re the worst writer EVER slipped in there.” I’ll never really know, I guess.)
- Hash tags. (I know, I know, I need to wake up and embrace social networking. But it took me a while to understand what #FF and #WW meant…)And finally:
- Just about anything my 4 y/0 says or does. Just yesterday, he wanted to walk around the store backwards. Of course I let him. If I’ve learned one thing as a mother it’s to pick your battles. And walking backwards wasn’t really going to hurt anything–but no, I didn’t join him in his backwards walking, but I did hold his hand so he wouldn’t unknowingly step in front of a shopping cart.