I know summer has officially been underway a few days now, but yesterday I was with my kids at the dentist and saw I can’t even tell you how many people wearing sandals that shouldn’t be and it got me thinking about the “Summer Pledge” I’d been sent in my inbox recently. Don’t get me wrong, my feet aren’t always runway ready–far from it. But if I wear open-toe shoes, I try to make sure they’re presentable enough not to make someone snarl, gag, shriek or recoil in disgust.
Anyway, in case you haven’t seen or taken the pledge this year, I’ll post it below for you and spare you the cringe-worthy picture that accompanied it. Egads.
The Open Toed Shoe Pledge–Author Unknown
PLEASE, raise your big toes and repeat after me:
“As a member of the Cute Girl Sisterhood, I pledge to follow the Rules when wearing sandals and other open-toe shoes:
I promise to always wear sandals that fit. My toes will not hang over and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs. And the sides and tops of my feet will not pudge out between the straps.
I will go polish-free or vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and chip-free.
I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe.
I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow.
I will shave the hairs off my big toe.
I won’t wear pantyhose even if my misinformed girlfriend/co-worker/mother/sister tells me the toe seam really will stay under my toes if I tuck it there.
If a strap breaks, I won’t duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck it back into place hoping it will stay put. I will get my shoe fixed or toss it.
I will not live in corn denial; rather I will lean on my good friend Dr. Scholl’s if my feet need him.
I will resist the urge to buy jelly shoes at Payless for the low, low price of $4.99 even if my feet are small enough to fit into the kids’ sizes. This is out of concern for my safety, and the safety of others. No one can walk properly when standing in a pool of sweat and I would hate to take someone down with me as I fall and break my ankle.
I will take my toe ring off toward the end of the day if my toes swell and begin to look like Vienna sausages.
I will be brutally honest with my girlfriend/sister/co-worker/mother when she asks me if her feet are too ugly to wear sandals. Someone has to tell her that her toes are as long as my fingers and no sandal makes creepy feet look good.
I will promise if I wear flip flops that I will ensure that they actually flip and flop, making the correct noise while walking and I will swear NOT to slide or drag my feet while wearing them.
I will promise to go my local nail salon at least once per season and have a real pedicure (they are about $20 and worth EVERY penny).
I will promise to throw away any white/off-white sandals that show signs of wear… nothing is tackier than dirty white sandals.”
~~~****~~~A NOTE: If you were not able to take the pledge just now, don’t feel bad. You’re not alone. I wasn’t able to, either! After my recent trip to the desert, my feet are in desperate need of attention. Until they get the help they require, I shall wear socks around the house and closed-toe shoes in public!
Have a good weekend everyone!
*The above pledge was not written by me or anyone I know. I do not know who the original author was as it has been delivered to my inbox at least once a summer for the past six years. I hope you found it as humorous as I did. Enjoy your summer and feel free to pass the pledge along to anyone you know who might benefit from it!