A few updates…

I’ve been quiet lately, so here are a few updates:

1. The Officer and the Bostoner is FREE at Amazon from now until Sunday.
Bostoner New 3
As most of you know, a few months ago when I published Jessie: Bride of South Carolina as part of the 50-States American Mail Order Bride series, I temporarily moved all three of my other westerns into Amazon’s Kindle Unlimited program to help generate interest in both directions.

Long story short, that marketing plan was not a success, however, as part of this program, I’m able to make the book temporarily free! So, if you haven’t started the series yet, now’s a great time!

Here’s the Amazon link:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00DOFHHFO/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_dp_8wkVwb1H548G9

 

2. Final days of books available in Kindle Unlimited.

All four of my westerns (The Officer and the Bostoner, The Officer and the Southerner, The Officer and the Traveler and Jessie: Bride of South Carolina) are currently enrolled in the Kindle Unlimited program and will be for approximately 10 more days. If you are a subscriber and have been waiting to read one of my westerns or any of the 50 American Mail Order Bride books, you still have time to start!

And the reason I’ve been so…out of touch…

3. Passions of a Gentleman is further along than ever!

RG_PassionsofaGentlemanw.snWithout boring everyone with details, I started this book with a bang! Then crap…er…I mean, life happened. If my lack of blog posts has been any indication, it’s been a rough almost two years. I can’t possibly remember all the times I’ve been overwhelmed with my surroundings and I’ve given up on this story…then restarted. Over and over it’s happened. It’s been brutal. Poor Simon!

Anyway, about six months I finally put it aside for what I hoped wouldn’t be forever, but wasn’t willing to say that wasn’t true. About two weeks ago, I opened up the file and have started it again with all new ideas and motivation. I can happily report that all of my pervious attempts usually landed me somewhere between 3,000-10,000 words. The first time was the best, however, as I had 16,000 words (like I said, I started with a bang). I have currently surpassed that and I’m on a roll!! I am hoping *fingers crossed* that this book will be done and available in April! As soon as I get through the first draft and start edits, I’ll nail down a definite date and announce a pre-order.

These past few years haven’t been easy and I want to thank you all for sticking by me and your continued support. I couldn’t have asked for better readers!

~Rose

Reader Questions Answered

I’ve received a few questions about my last couple of blog posts, so in case you’re wondering the same, here ya go:

Q: (From my mom, no less) “What’s the rest of your crap story?” (In case you missed my post yesterday, follow this link.)

A: Uh, I had to plunge for about thirty minutes to finally get it to go down.

Q: Her initial questions as followed up with: “But did any of it get on the floor?”

A: No! And I cannot be grateful enough about that.

Q: What did you do with the nightgown?

A: Burned it. Okay, not really, but I didn’t keep it. I changed and tossed it in the trash. I know it sounds wasteful, but frankly, I don’t think I’d be able to have the same peace and enjoyment wearing it in the future.

Q: What happened to your son’s wrestling lessons?

A: Well, my friend didn’t get back to me about teaching him how to wrestle, so it’s become a family project with his dad doing conditioning exercises with him and us alternating who has to play his opponent in running drills. He’s improved greatly and now our biggest issue is doing damage control with some of the other parents after he’s made some of the other little trash-talking boys cry. Oops! So, yeah, he’s gotten better. Much better and winning fairly. It all worked out.

Q: How did the Adult Coloring Book work out?

A: Sadly, this will take an entire post to answer properly: in short, it’s not for me.

Q: Where do you find such uncouth commercials?!

A: I found the Quilted Northern commercials by watching the Hallmark Channel of all things and went on YouTube to watch more. I found the Ragu commercials on YouTube a few years go looking up something, there was a headline for “banned commercials”–of course I had to click it and laughed through the entire commercial (it was the one on the boy walking in on his parents).

As a bonus, THIS is my favorite Super Bowl commercial this year:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ugn_qmQ0NFo

But I also enjoyed this one:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LT6n1HcJOio

Q: This was another one from my mom that was in response to my posting up her texts and using them as fodder for my post last Monday:

  A: You’d owe PayPal money if I tried to send you the two pennies!

In all honesty, there are no royalties earned on blog posts. I have on occasion used Amazon affiliate links when I post links to my Amazon books. Using such links in no way effects your price, it’s just a few extra cents that Amazon pays me for directing people to their site.

Why Me?!

Most of you have probably figured out by now that I’m a few things:

  1. A magnet for the crazy in life
  2. Have EXTREMELY bad luck when it comes the bathrooms
  3. My life is oftentimes stranger than fiction, thanks to #s 1 and 2

Well, it’s happened again. I have another bathroom story to tell–and this one, while funny (sort of…) now, was anything but, on Saturday morning.

To back up, about two weeks ago, I had a contractor come out and give me an estimate on a simple repair in my bathroom. While here, he came out and asked if he could use my bathroom. A little shocked that it couldn’t wait for the five or ten minutes it’d take get a few measurements, I said sure. When I went in there after he left, the strong cloud of Febreeze choking the life out of me made it obvious that perhaps, to him, it couldn’t have waited. No big deal. The germaphobe in me wiped down the toilet with a bleach wipe and I went about my day.

On Friday, he came back to do the work in the bathroom. My master bathroom has a set of french doors leading from my bedroom to the bathroom. They’re nothing fancy, just two small water-heater doors put on opposite hinges with doorhandles that don’t actually turn. You just pull them open to go in and pull them shut behind you. No lock.

So this guy brought his five or six year old child with him (which was fine, I’ve had to bring my little kids with me places, too). While they were working in there, I was working in the the kitchen and doing whatever. The guy comes out and says, “Hey, my kid needs to use your bathroom, I just want you to know so you don’t come in there.”

I waved him off. The kid probably could have peed undisturbed in the time it took for him to come out there and tell me that, but whatever.

An hour or so later, they come out and said they’re all done and I can put all the contents back into the cabinets under my sink when I’m ready (he’d taken every single thing out to work on this project). Eager to see how it looks, I zipped into the bathroom and my eyes immediately fell on the toilet and I froze. Seriously? Is the bright silver lever on the upper lefthand side of the toilet a mystery? Oh well, realizing the guy was right behind me, coming in to explain what all he’d done (minus leaving me an unwanted gift in the commode), I quickly put the lid down and turn my attention to where he’s showing off his handiwork. I will give him this, he does a good job and I let him know that and said, “All right, let me get you a check.” Since he was closer to the door, I let him go first and I quickly flushed the toilet!

About halfway across my bedroom I heard that sound that can make anyone’s stomach fall to their toes: The Gurgle. You all know what I’m talking about. We’ve all heard it. The toilet cannot choke down the task it’s been given.

Dread overcame me and I hurried to give him his check, then run back to the bathroom, praying the floor–and consequently all of the stuff that belongs in the cabinets under my sink–is still dry!

Clutching my nearly-bursting heart, I sigh with relief when I see there isn’t water flowing over the side of my porcelain throne. Then I cringe. I should probably lift the lid and see what’s going on. Grimacing, I close one eye, hold my breath and tentatively reach forward to lift the lid…

THEN JUMP BACK!

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Not even more than about a thimbleful of water in the bottom of the bowl. Blinking like Alex Banks, I craned my neck to see behind the toilet. Did it hide back there, or something? Surely, I am not lucky enough to not have to deal with this.

Nope, nothing.

In a state of numb disbelief, I reach for my container of bleach wipes and disinfect every surface in the bathroom. Twice.

A few hours later as I was getting ready for bed, I tiptoed into the bathroom as if there would be a monster waiting for me, then took care of business and cringed again. That blasted gurgle! But nothing. Not even water. Odd.

Nothing else to do, I went to bed.

Then 1:30 am rolled around…

Half-asleep and cursing myself for insisting I need to drink 100 ounces of water a day, I go take care of business. Then it happens: gurgle, gurgle, gargle, GARGLE! GARGLE! 

Fully awake now, I flip on the light and shriek. Yes, I shrieked. Everything was coming up with no sign of stoping. Frightened and panicked, I grabbed the plunger and clad in my favorite nightgown plunged–and shrieked some more–like a madwoman.

Why does this crap (literally) always happen to me?!

 

Random Ramblings…

This is one of those “pulled from the draft file” posts.

The Date: November 13, 2013.

The reason for the post: I have no idea! Just rambling.

The reason I didn’t post it: Again, no idea, probably because I got severely distracted and totally lost my train of thought.

So without any further adieu…

Consider yourself warned, this is an updating sort of post that rambles. (Yes, that was my original opening line!)

If we ever meet in person you’ll know right off that I’m odd. No, no, really I am. There are a few regular commenters on here who I’ve met in person and I’m sure they all had some sort of shocker moment that still haunts them. Such as the reader I shared a hotel room with when I forgot my pajamas and to make matters worse I had to wake her up with the news that the toilet had just overflowed. Another reader totally shocked me when out nowhere at a book signing, she just popped right up in my face and said, “Hey, I know you!” I’m certain my eyes nearly popped out of my head as I stuttered through an introduction. Or the first reader I ever met. She walked up to me in the airport while I was looking totally bedraggled after a sleepless conference and holding a giant sea sponge and said, “I think you’re who I’m looking for.”

Of course there have been a few who I’ve met when I was prepared that I probably still totally freaked out with me just being plain old odd me.

I’m okay with that. Really, I am. It’s why I like to pretend I’m Regina Banks and fade into the wallpaper if I can. It’s probably also why I write stories. I live in my own world a lot when I can.

I say all that to say that for those brave enough to have already met me in person, they’ll know that I really DO live in my own little world where sometimes I ramble. Much like I’m doing right now.

Have a wonderful weekend everyone!

Adulting…I just don’t wanna!

I don’t know if it’s the weather or the stress from gathering all of these blasted forms and calculating my taxes, but today I’ve worked so much on my taxes that I just don’t feel like doing anything else that’s considered being an adult today AKA I won’t be making my word count. As disappointing as that is, if I look at a computer screen for more than another 5-10 minutes I just might go cross-eyed. Permanently.

So what am I going to do?

Well, I had a reader who raved on and on about her adult coloring book and how wonderful it is for stress and getting away from your screen. Do I like to color? Um, not really. But I’m gonna give it a whirl! I’ll keep y’all updated.

Question: What do you do when you need a break?

More uncouth commercials for everyone to enjoy!!

A few weeks ago I posted some links to some rather funny, albeit satirical, commercials for Quilted Northern. Today, Ragu!

A mother’s spit–the old school Magic Eraser for faces:

No parent would try to secretly replace a deceased pet, would they?

And finally, my personal favorite:

 

Hope you all enjoyed those as much as I did. Now that I’ve had my comic relief I’m headed back to the sofa to chronicle more of Simon and Henrietta’s antics.

Texts from my mom…

It’s Monday morning and as such, we are all in need of a little laugh to kickstart our week. What better way to do that than with a few texts my mom has sent me…

  1. A little backstory, she’s awful at math. So bad, it’s only college algebra that stands between her and a degree…
    IMG_3402
  2. If there was ever any doubt she loves her grandkids…IMG_3403Doubt solved. And yes, I’m a meanie… “Just delete it.”
  3. And finally…the very best way to say Happy Valentine’s Day to your daughter…IMG_3354IMG_3404

If ever you wonder why I’m so scandalous, I think that speaks for itself!

Have a wonderful Monday!!!